Have you ever felt as though your wife is deliberately avoiding you? If you have, you’re certainly not alone. Many men struggle with a marriage in which they feel they’re virtually on their own. Their wife is there in body, but arguably she’s not there in either soul or emotions. The relationship just seems to go through the emotions, day-after-day with the only interaction between the couple being that of strained conversations focused on the children or who will take care of what household chores. Any man who has lived in this situation knows it’s a miserable and unfulfilling existence. You can’t continue with this long term unless you enjoy being one part of a cold, distant and emotionally vacant marriage. You have to make the step forward to change this. You can transform the dynamic between you and your wife so the relationship is loving, compassionate and supportive for you both.
Express What You’re Feeling to Your Wife
Even though you feel that your wife likely won’t listen to you, it’s vitally important that you express to her what you’re feeling. Obviously, just boldly stating that you feel that she’s avoiding you will likely make her defensive and the problem will just escalate. You must approach her in a way that will help her to see that you aren’t attacking her but your goal is to persuade her to understand that your marriage could be much better than it currently is.
A very productive approach to take is to speak to your wife first about how much you value the marriage and your role as her husband. Explain, in pointed detail, why you’re so grateful and happy to be married to her. Make it very clear to your wife that you believe in the marriage and in the connection that the two of you share. Once you’ve explained how much the marriage means to you, you can then bring up the point that you feel that you and she aren’t as connected as you once were. It’s very important that you don’t blindly point the finger of blame at her. You don’t want her to become overly defensive.
Plan Specific Activities for the Two of You
You’re going to have to take the lead when it comes to getting your wife to reinvest herself in the marriage. This is clearly a case of showing her what you need as opposed to telling her. By taking the initiative to do more with your wife, you’ll be showing her just how much you value the time the two of you spend together.
The plans you make don’t have to be extravagant. They should, in fact, just be normal day-to-day activities that you two used to do together, but no longer make the effort to share. A great example is cooking dinner or exercising. Even going out for a simple dinner once a week without the kids can really help the two of you reconnect on a deeper level.
You may find that you have to coax your wife to want to participate at first. This is especially true if she’s made a point of not wanting to do much of anything with you in the recent past. Just keep encouraging her to spend time with you. If she starts to sense that this is incredibly important to you, she’ll eventually want to participate and before she realizes it, she’ll be enjoying the time you two recommit to one another.
Shower Your Wife with Love and Affection
One of the main reasons many women begin to ignore their husbands is they feel ignored themselves. Family life can become very busy and it’s often hard to recognize when you’re not giving your spouse the attention and affection that they crave. If your wife feels that you’ve put other people or other things before her for too long, she may retaliate by paying less attention to you as well. She may not even fully recognize that she’s doing this.
Start treating your wife the way she wants to be treated. If you’re unsure how that is, think back to when you two first married, and how you doted on her. Obviously now you have a much busier life, but it’s essential that you carve time out of your schedule to spend showing your wife the depth of your love for her.
Simple gestures such as bringing home flowers or a cup of her favorite coffee will go a long way towards demonstrating your feelings. Taking on more household chores may seem unrelated to improving your marriage, but it sends a very clear message to your wife that you want to help her in any way you can.
By putting in extra effort to make your wife understand the depth of your love, you’ll be reigniting your marriage. Your wife isn’t going to be able to avoid the fact that you truly and deeply love and adore her. After all, isn’t the effort you put in worth it if it means your wife will not only stop avoiding you, but will embrace the marriage and you again?