Resentment is a very difficult emotion and it’s not something you ever want to touch your marriage. It’s difficult enough to sustain a loving and committed bond without resentment taking hold of the connection. If your wife is feeling some resentment towards you because of your past or current behaviour, you may feel it’s wise to just let it slide. Unfortunately, this is not something that is going to evaporate into the vapour just because you wish for it to. You must address the issue that is at the crux of the problem so your wife can allow the resentment she feels towards you to fade away. Once that happens, your marriage will be on the forward track it needs to be.
Do you have a clear idea of why your wife resents you? This may seem like an obvious question but unfortunately it’s something that many men struggle to understand. At times it can almost feel as though there are two different views of everything that happens between a couple. The wife sees and feels things from her vantage point while the husband absorbs things much differently. Unless your wife has clearly defined what is causing her to resent you, it’s nothing but a guessing game for you to try and figure it out. You may believe that it’s the one time you commented on her weight a year ago when it’s actually all about the fact that you didn’t remember to bring her flowers on her birthday. Obviously, her feelings of bitterness may have been born from a much more serious issue. You can’t possibly know what is behind what she’s experiencing unless you ask her.
It’s important that you approach your wife from a place of clarity and calmness. Demanding to know why she resents you is only going to magnify the negativity that she’s already experiencing. You’ll fare much better if you arrange a quiet evening for the two of you to talk. Don’t expand on what you’d like to discuss with her. You just want her to get the impression that you’re putting some forethought and planning into this. That will help her understand that it has significant meaning to you.
Explain to her that your marriage is the most important thing in your life and that you cherish it as well as your connection to her. Bring up the fact that you’ve been feeling that there’s some discontent on her part and that you understand why that might be. It’s good to mention anything that you may have done that you know has irked her or bothered her in some sense. It may be the fact that you’ve been putting in extra hours at the office or perhaps you’ve just taken too much of a liking to the sofa on Sunday afternoons and you’ve zoned her out during the big football game.
If your wife feels that you’re recognizing some of your shortcomings, she’ll feel better about talking about what is causing her feelings of resentment. This isn’t going to be an easy discussion for either of you but it’s essential for the long term health of your marriage. You do need to remain compassionate and understanding throughout as that will help her open up more so she can share exactly what she’s feeling.
Once you two have been able to pinpoint the source of her resentment, you can then work towards removing it from your marriage. Although you may disagree with her about what she feels you have done to cause her to feel the resentment, try and find a common ground to work towards. Apologize if it’s appropriate, compromise and look towards a brighter future together.
Your willingness to handle this issue head-on with charm and maturity will help your wife let go of the resentment as well. Your role as her husband is one you should take seriously and that includes respecting what she’s feeling and helping her find a more positive outlook to focus on.
You can move past the resentment your wife feels for you.
Learn how to talk to your wife in a way that will make her fall in love with you all over again.