Our lives are much different before we marry than they are after. For a couple in love, the first few months or even years of a marriage can be filled with promise, hope and love. Over time and through life’s challenges that can all change. You may wake up one day to realize that neither of you is finding the fulfillment you should in your relationship. Many couples just struggle through this without addressing it head-on. Other couples discuss it openly in an effort to determine what the best course of action is for them and their family. If you’re a man who is now saying, “my wife says she wants a divorce,” that’s very serious. If you’re not prepared to grant her that request, you need to start making some changes that will ensure that your marriage not only survives but becomes stronger and more fulfilling for you both.
The day your wife says she wants a divorce is the day you need to start working on fixing whatever the problems are in your relationship. It’s easy to become overwhelmed with feelings of anger or resentment when you learn that the woman you love most in the world wants little to do with you anymore. However, you have to try and keep some of your composure. The biggest problem with allowing your emotions to control you is you’ll say and do things that you’ll later come to regret. You may lash out at your wife verbally in retaliation for all the deep pain you are in. Or perhaps you’ll beg her to stay and she’ll do so out of guilt but without any true emotional investment in your marriage. That’s why it’s essential that you keep your emotions in check when you are speaking with her. You want her to see you as mature and capable of handling the situation that life has presented to you both.
Demanding that she stay and not seek a divorce isn’t likely going to accomplish anything positive for either of you. Your wife will feel that her needs aren’t being addressed and you’ll wonder if the only reason she has stayed is to avoid your outbursts and anger over her leaving. You have to acknowledge what she feels and what she thinks she needs. If she’s asking for a divorce it’s a good idea to calmly suggest that you two go through a period of separation first. If you do this, it will help ensure you have time to work on the marriage without completely ending it.
Obviously a separation means that the two of you are going to live apart. It’s important to establish some understanding when that does occur. Since your wife wants a divorce and you are interested in saving the marriage suggest to her that you two still establish a means to communicate. She may only be comfortable with email or phone calls for a time and you need to be receptive to that. Don’t push her to give you more than she feels comfortable with. Instead, work on keeping in as close contact as you can all the while ensuring she knows how much you want the marriage to work.
Change the things about yourself that need to be changed as you work through the period of separation. Your wife is obviously not feeling completely satisfied with the marriage as it is so you need to make an effort to improve that for her and for you. Talk to her about what has caused her to think about a divorce and then focus on those things. If you can make positive changes towards becoming a better person and husband you both will find more satisfaction in your relationship.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your wife to feel even more distant from you. You can make your wife fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don’t have to worry about whether your wife is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make her fall hopelessly in love with you.