When a marriage goes through a crisis, it can either be the breaking point of the relationship or it can be a vehicle for moving forward as a stronger couple. Everyone makes mistakes within their marriage but some mistakes are more monumental or life changing. Such is the case when a husband has an affair, lies about something critical or hides things from his wife. Even though he may not have set out to hurt her, the consequences can be devastating not only for the woman he married, but for the family, in general. Overcoming this is a unique challenge unto itself, if your wife is so hurt that she can’t forgive you, it’s time to evaluate the marriage and pinpoint how to move things in a more positive direction.
Before you become too focused on the fact that your wife can’t forgive you, it’s wise to seriously consider the severity of what you did. Some women are more forgiving by nature, so they have no problem getting past an occasional white lie told by their spouse if they believe that fundamentally he’s a good and honest partner. Other women are devastated by even the slightest hint of dishonesty in their marriage. These are the women who will hold onto things indefinitely and won’t allow the feeling of forgiveness into their hearts.
You need to look objectively at your marriage and decide whether your wife is genuinely struggling with her desire to forgive you or if she’s using her anger and resentment as a vehicle to make you suffer for your actions. If you cheated on your wife and you’ve come clean about everything, broken off the other relationship and have made your life an open book, it’s understandable that you would hope for forgiveness at some point in the near future. However, if your wife still can’t move past the fact that you sought comfort with another woman, even though you have demonstrated your remorse, her feelings may be tied to the fact that she’s unwilling to let things go.
There should be small glimpses of hope visible in her behaviour from time to time. If she allows the wall of resentment to fall at times and you two actually enjoy each other’s company, there is definitely a chance for your marriage. Often, a wife will forget about her husband’s shortcomings when they are having fun, engaged in an interesting discussion or just spending one-on-one time alone. If this follows your wife’s behaviour patterns, there is hope for the two of you. Even though she may allow the negativity to seep back into her mind and heart at times, she’s still trying to move the relationship to a better place.
If your wife can’t look at you without her rage boiling over or without tears flowing, it may be time to consider whether the pain she is in is worth trying to save the marriage. Therapy can do wonders for a marriage that has been devastated by the actions of one partner. If you’re willing and you’re committed to improving the relationship, speak to her openly about the idea of you two seeking professional help to mediate your issues and get past the difficult situation that has brought you to this place.
Only you can tell for certain whether your wife will have the emotional strength and desire to eventually forgive you. If you feel it’s a constant uphill battle and you’re making little to no headway, really think about what’s best for both of you. Emotional turmoil to the extreme your wife may be in could be doing even more damage to your marriage than you realize. Put her first and speak to her about what you both feel is best for your family’s future. By getting on the same page, you can then work together to understand what your next mutual step should be.
Although it can feel incredibly devastating when you and your wife hit an emotional crossroads in your marriage, there is always a glimmer of hope to hold onto. Understanding how to appeal to your wife’s heart and how to move past the pain you both are in now will help you save the marriage and make it stronger than it’s ever been.