Divorce is a terrifying word when you’re deeply in love with your wife and hoping for a long and happy future together. Most couples will inevitably face conflict in their relationship and at times, they may struggle to find a resolution that leaves them both feeling satisfied. Over time, if that continually happens and one partner feels that their voice or opinion is always being muffled, they’ll begin to contemplate the idea of separation or eventual divorce. When your wife wants a divorce and you clearly don’t, you’ve reached a life changing crossroads in your relationship. This is not the time to allow your emotions to dictate your actions. You need to think clearly whenever possible and approach this situation from a place of reasons and understanding compassion.
“She wants a divorce and I don’t.” That statement alone shows how far apart emotionally you and your wife are at this moment. Divorce is often a word that is bandied about between couples during a heated argument. Your wife may throw the idea of a divorce squarely at you in an attempt to cause you pain. If this is the only time she’s brought the subject up, consider carefully the circumstances. She may be using it as an emotional weapon and once all the dust from the argument has settled, she may realize that a divorce is the furthest thing from her mind. On the other hand, if your wife announced that she wants the marriage to end during a period of calmness or when you felt the marriage was on solid ground, this is an entirely different concern.
If your wife is dead serious about her desire to leave you and end the marriage, taking action right now is crucial. Although your first instinct may be to tell her that you won’t have any part of it or you’re completely against it, try with all the emotional effort you have, not to do that. Your wife is dealing with some very fragile emotions if she’s reached a point where ending her marriage feels like the right choice. Negating that by suggesting she needs to calm down or take a deep breath will only prove to upset and alienate her more. What she is feeling is incredibly real and difficult to her. You must work with her to help her find some inner peace. This is why considering a trial separation may be in the best interests of you both.
It’s a major step to go from separating from your spouse to divorcing them. Just as your wife’s view of the marriage has changed since your wedding day, the same thing can happen again once a separation is in full swing. You must consider the fact that if your wife says she wants a divorce, she may not fully comprehend what it will be like to live separately, in all ways, from you. Right now, in her mind a future that includes a divorce may look very different than the reality that it will be. Emotions have a way of clouding our better judgment particularly when it comes to things to do with serious decisions.
If you and your wife do come to the resolution that separating may be the best choice, be prepared to start the hard work towards saving your marriage then. You must present yourself as an understanding and compassionate partner who wants to help his wife find her way again. Don’t bombard your wife with telephone calls or emails once you two do separate. She does need time to reflect on what the marriage meant to her and what role you have played in her life, and will play in it. You must keep in regular contact though and when you do, be as kind as you possibly can. If your wife understands that you are honouring her feelings, even in a time as challenging as this, she’ll see glimpses of the man she married and it may help her feel a pull back to you again.
“She wants a divorce and I don’t,” is something you don’t want to say anymore.
If you’re ready to change your marriage for the better and you want to get your wife to love you so much divorce won’t even be an option to her, you need to gain some insight into how to break down her emotional walls to get her to love you again.