The men who visit my blog on dealing with marital issues often want to know what they can do when they feel their wives don’t love them anymore. It’s incredibly challenging to be in a marriage in which you feel the other person doesn’t care about you. You feel devalued, depressed and you begin to question whether divorcing may be the best solution. The largest obstacle in a situation like this is the fact that you may still love your wife deeply even though it’s become very obvious that her feelings have changed dramatically. Although separation and eventual divorce is certainly an option, it should never be viewed as the only one. There are definitely steps a man in your position can take to change the future of the marriage. Giving up doesn’t have to be your next move, not if you’re committed to your wife.
I want to help you understand a distinction that needs to be made when you feel that your wife doesn’t love you anymore. There’s a very large difference between a woman feeling neglected, ignored and undervalued and a woman who isn’t in love anymore. Your wife may feel emotionally disconnected from you at this moment but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s fallen out of love. If she hasn’t told you directly that she no longer loves you, don’t jump to that conclusion. If you’re basing this determination on the fact that she seems withdrawn, sullen or preoccupied with everything but you, there are other reasons for that. It may just be that your marriage has fallen into a gulley of mutual emotional neglect and you now have to be the one to rescue it.
Take it as a very positive sign if your wife has yet to say that she wants to separate or divorce. When a woman truly does feel as though she’s fallen out of love with her husband, she’ll, at the very least, entertain the idea of ending the marriage. This is the case regardless of whether there are small children involved. It’s typically very hard for any woman to stay in a relationship in which she doesn’t feel a committed connection to her husband.
As for what you can do to change this, there are many effective routes you need to be taking. My first suggestion is to gently speak to your wife about where the marriage is now and where you both envision it being in a few months and even, in a few years. If she’s reluctant to discuss this right now, don’t push. If you are relentless with trying to get her to talk with you about what she’s feeling, you’ll risk her shutting down completely which will result in an even more strained day-to-day life around your home.
If your wife does indeed feel neglected by you, you’ll see some strong clues in the things she does and says. Many women take the passive aggressive approach and talk frequently about a “friend” who has the ideal husband. If this is something your wife falls back to doing, assume that the “friend” in question doesn’t have the perfect marriage and that your wife is only trying to give you some ideas of what you could be doing a better job of.
Take better care of your wife emotionally. Make time each day to really connect with her on a one-on-on basis. She needs to see that you’re still willing to devote yourself to her and that she’s not at the bottom of your life’s priority list. Bring her flowers. Even though that seems cliché it’s a wonderfully loving gesture. Take her out for dinner just because you love her. Don’t wait for special occasions to pamper her. Make it a daily ritual and soon she’ll start to feel that you truly do adore her. When she understands that, her attitude and feelings toward you will change for the positive. It’s really just a matter of giving your marriage the care it deserves.