Your wife wants to split up. Her announcement hit you like a ton of bricks. You obviously realized that the two of you were struggling with conflicts but you had no idea that she had reached a point where she wanted out of the relationship. Now all you can see before you is a future that is lonely. You love the woman so are you just going to allow her to walk out of your life without a fight? You can’t. You can change this so she wants to save your marriage just as badly as you do. The key is to know what you must say and do starting right now.

Obviously you have to address the heart of the issue if your wife wants to split up. There are problems that she doesn’t feel you two can move past. If she didn’t feel that way, leaving you would never have crossed her mind. You need to be honest with yourself about what’s going on in your relationship. You have to be mature enough to admit what you did wrong and what you can do immediately to change it. Apologizing is always a good first step.

Even though your wife may not seem that receptive to your apology, you have to be willing to try. Sit down and really give some thought to your behavior in the marriage and what you’ve done that has caused her to pull so far away from you. In some cases the husband did one major thing that changed his wife’s feelings. In other cases her wanting out of the marriage is a result of years of small conflicts. You have one chance to make things right with your wife so be genuine with your apology. You’ll show her how much you really want to try and make the marriage work if you’re willing to take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the relationship.

Ask your wife to reconsider her decision to split up right now. Don’t try and completely stop her from wanting to leave. If you do this she’ll feel that her needs and opinions don’t matter. Instead, ask her to hold off for a few weeks. Explain that you’d like to give the marriage one more chance and you’re willing to do whatever needs to be done to try and make things work this time. Your honesty in asking is sure to impact her.

Throughout all of this you have to be willing to communicate in an emotionally controllable way with your wife.  If you get upset or angry each time you two begin talking about the marriage, she’ll shut down. If you’ve done this in the past it’s likely contributed to her desire to want to split up. Turn over a new leaf and listen to your wife without reacting too quickly. Encourage her to share what she’s feeling and really absorb what she tells you. You can learn everything you need to know to save your marriage if you’re hearing what she’s telling you.

Don’t spend another day wishing your marriage was different. If you want your wife to treat you differently, make it happen. You can have the deeply connected, fulfilling relationship you’ve always wanted.

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