“I don’t want a separation but my wife does!” You never imagined this day would come, did you? You thought the marriage was fulfilling to you both. Perhaps it wasn’t perfect, but who honestly has a perfect marriage? Sadly, it doesn’t seem as though it’s enough for your wife and now you have to face that fact head on. Hearing the woman you adore say that she wants a break from the marriage is heart wrenching. Your first response may be to try and beg her to stay, but is that really going to be helpful in the long run? You obviously can’t ignore the fact that your wife wants to separate but you can deal with it in a compassionate, understanding and productive way. Don’t view this as the beginning of the end of the relationship. Instead, try and see it as the wakeup call you desperately needed.
There are serious issues within your marriage if your wife has taken the step of expressing her desire for a separation. In many marriages, one partner will feel deep discontentment and after sharing that with their spouse, nothing will change. The reasons this happens are varied, but typically the spouse who is happy within the marriage sees the unhappiness their partner has expressed as a phase or passing mood. They believe that with enough time, the marriage will balance itself out again. Don’t make the mistake of doing this with your wife. If you don’t take her sentiments seriously, she’ll jump to the conclusion that you don’t care one way or another about the marriage. Since that’s not the case at all, it’s imperative that you address what she’s feeling head on.
Talk to her regardless of how awkward or uncomfortable it is. You have to give her an opportunity to explain why she’s unhappy and how she views the future of your marriage. Often a person will initiate a conversation about a separation because they feel that their spouse will then take their concerns more seriously. This may not be the case with your wife but it’s vitally important that you ask her what is causing her to feel so much emotional distance from you that a separation feels like the only logical step.
Can a Separation Help Your Marriage?
If she’s unwilling to talk, it may be time to contemplate whether a separation could be beneficial. It’s strongly advised that you two share with one another what the ground rules will be if you do go through with separating for a time. If you’re intent on saving the marriage you need to ensure that you two will have regular opportunities to communicate and that you’ll be granted a chance to see your wife from time-to-time. Couples’ therapy can also be a favourable step at this point as it allows you both a chance to express what you’re feeling in a controlled environment with someone who can provide structure and guidance.
It’s important to stress that a separation is certainly not always the first step towards the end of the relationship. Your wife and you can work together to iron out the issues that you’re struggling with and get the marriage back on solid ground. In fact, you can view the discussion of a separation as the seedling that will help your marriage grow into something better than it’s ever been. It all begins with open and honest communication.
Don’t allow your wife to leave you if you still love her. You can save your marriage and forge a stronger bond with your wife than you ever thought possible. Making your wife love you again is within your grasp.