You could never have imagined years ago that your marriage would turn out like this. How did you and your wife go from enjoying a loving, happy marriage to being on the bitter edge of destruction? You can’t answer that because frankly you’re just not sure, are you? Your wife has declared that she’s unhappy and is considering leaving the marriage. You’re dumbstruck. You have absolutely no idea what to do to save the relationship. You likely even wonder whether it can be saved or not. It’s important for a man in your position to understand that a situation like the one you’re currently in can be viewed one of two ways. You can see it as the last step towards inevitable divorce or you can view it as a reawakening of the deep emotionally charged connection you and your wife once shared. The latter sounds much better, doesn’t it?
Open a Dialogue with Your Wife About the Current State of Your Marriage
You can’t work towards fixing your marriage if you aren’t fully aware of what your wife views as the underlying problem. You may feel that your wife has just fallen out of love with you, and it’s possible that may be the case. You won’t know until you sit down with the woman you married and have the difficult conversation that will begin the healing process.
Don’t enter into this conversation from a place of defensiveness. If you’re not open to hearing her honest complaints and thoughts about you as a life partner, you’re never going to move the marriage to a more positive and enriching place. You must be ready to hear some difficult things about how she views you and whether she feels you’re not adequately providing what she needs.
It’s important to understand that this conversation may not be one that can be neatly tied up within an hour or two. This should be an ongoing dialogue. You and your wife should both feel comfortable enough with one another that you can share your innermost thoughts, disappointments and hopes. It can take some time to get there, but if you’re persistent with approaching your wife about sharing her feelings in a calm and rational way, the marriage will only benefit.
Look at Your Own Behavior and What You Can Do to Improve It
All of us shy away from taking any of the blame when our partner decides they want to bail on the relationship. Men and women are both just as equally guilty of this. It’s helpful if you consider what you could do differently, as a husband, to repair the broken bonds of your marriage.
Think clearly and honestly about the role you play in the relationship. Are you there as much as you need to be for your wife? Do you help her when life becomes overwhelming for her? Or have you pulled back from her because you’ve felt taken for granted in the past?
Sometimes in order to repair a crumbling connection we have to place our own needs aside for a time. Look only at your own behavior within the marriage and what you could do, right now, to improve on that. In order for a marriage to heal one person has to take the first step. This should be viewed as a sacrifice. You also need to bear in mind that if you can help your wife feel more loved and valued within the marriage, she’ll instinctively want to do the same for you.
A good place to start is to consider how you treat your wife now compared to how you treated her in the early days of your marriage. Granted a lot has probably changed between the two of you including more pressing financial obligations, demanding careers and a family to balance. It’s still important to think back to the husband you once were when you and your wife began your married journey together. If you can recapture the essence of that man, you’ll be showing your wife that your desire to spend your life with her is still as strong now as it was the day you two exchanged vows.
Encourage Your Wife to Chase Her Own Happiness
One reason many women feel dissatisfied with their marriage is because they aren’t finding any happiness within themselves. As a marriage matures a woman may begin to define herself strictly in terms of her relationship. She’ll view herself only as a wife and mother and although those are very fulfilling roles to have, there is a point where a woman may feel she wants more.
As your wife’s partner it’s important for you to encourage her to seek out the things that make her happy. Talk to her about her goals and dreams in life and be supportive when she does share.
You must take note of the fact that sometimes a woman will think that by leaving her marriage her life will suddenly improve overnight. Although that can be the case when a marriage isn’t in a healthy emotional place anymore, often it’s a mistake.
Your wife may not fully understand the fact that if she does leave you, she’ll be much more on her own in every sense of the word. Speak with her about what you can do as her husband to help her find the things that make her happy. It may be something as simple as spending more time as a couple or it could be something more monumental as finishing up her abandoned college degree.
Be there to cheer her on towards her own happiness. If you do that you’ll be demonstrating to your wife that you want and need to put her before yourself. That will help her see that you only want what’s best for her which will help lead her to see the deep value in your marriage again.
You can transform your marriage and make it better than it’s ever been even if your wife is on the brink of leaving you. Learn right now what you can do to make your wife love you more.